We never know where we're going find the mythical "love of our life", however the keystone is being ready for them when you finally do freakin' meet them!
I know, it just rolls around in the mind as so cliché --a line out of a cheap Hollywood screenplay, or from a "B" rate romance novel. We say to our skeptical self: those are only depictions caught on screen and captured in ink on a digital format. And our skeptical self is finally right, because the love of our life is real as flesh, breathes with real life, and has CC's of plasma flitting through their veins pumping hundreds of times per minute. They are full of triumphs and tragedy, and pain and hopes, and sometimes... the person keeping us away from not only finding, but keeping, that majestic love of our life, is US.
Now whom in all the cindering hells in their right mind would be the ones to block themselves from love?
Answer: That pain Monster inside of us that has gotten so grandiose off all our broken relationships and sputtered out marriages that WE no longer know when IT'S taking over, and, let alone, how to control it!!
It flashes it's fangs in every disagreement (behaving nastily), it sharpens it's claws on every deficiency (searching for them in our prospective significant others), it lashes out (rancorously) at the times when we're finally getting closer to that mythical anomaly called love. Because, if we haven't noticed, in essence, love to the Pain Monster is to Superman as Kryptonite. It has lived with us so long, it abhors dying.
So, even with our minds or our bodies insuring us that we're "ready for love" --to be loved, to give love, to share love-- all that matters not if we cannot recognize the strength and size and gall of our Pain Monster. And, with recognition, be able to banish him or her for the opportunity to love someone "worth" loving.
I know, this may sound like something taboo, but the reason I recognized that this is more dire --and not simply some gobbled-up gibberish worth spewing for a few cyber hits, though instead: something vital that too many caring compassionate people need as a guidebook to being able to open themselves up and be completely vulnerable to love-- a few weeks ago, I finally did it: I found my damn soulmate, and if you believe in an uncanny connection... we have superseded the Webster's Dictionary definition of uncanniness! We're twins in every way that we look at the world, and whatever I need from them is their born gift in life to be a giver of. If ever there was a magnet that attracted to a specialized precious metal, then it would be this outer orbit connection we have found...
...All that, and yet still, our Pain Monster has been a constant gnawing presence in our life --whispering in our heads, telling us to self-destruct. Oh, it's not as blatant as that, of course, that would be too easy to combat. It's sneakier, remember, it's been around the block a time or two. It attacks us with subtle things and plays on the pain of our past, hoping to get us to dance to it's wickedly deceptive tune. It says in the dark "he won't ever love you as you are," and in the light "she doesn't honor any of your sacrifices", or a hundred other different cannibalized versions of your fears (which it fights to amplify to take control of your reactions and responses). It is, like advertised, a Monster.
So here are a few steps me and my soulmate learned and we'd like to share them...
1) We always approach things with Love --arguments, compromises, cooking. Food can be serious sometimes if you're better half lives gluten-free!!
2) Always speak positiveness into your relationship, and it's future. AKA, always speak as if the love you're building is forever. That way, any disputes (minor or catastrophic) doesn't leave you leapfrogging straight to the feeling/fear of abandonment, and coerce you to react instead of RESPOND.
3) Always communicate with compassion and understanding, and do NOT become accusatory. (Listen, reflect, breathe, project...). Your opinion can be said with a calm loving voice as loud as can be said in anger, but with a much healthier affect.
4) Recognition. And this is B.I.G. YOU must be able to recognize when you're not upholding the Big Three Principals, and when you're reminded, have the power, astute, and wherewithal to pause, breathe, and conduct yourself with sincere Love.
In closing, it is me and my companions hope, that with these principals, we can help you, and well as help us, secure the amazing special love that God has meant for us all to have.
Thanks for reading my very first blog!! Please feel free to share all your comments and stories!!
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